Tuesday, November 29, 2011

'Tis the season

This is a very special time of year for me. Since I was a little kid, Christmas time was always a big deal. Many folks complain that Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year. It is rather off-setting to be wandering through the mall the day before Halloween (!!) and see that Santa's photobooth is all set up.

With that said, as far as I'm concerned, after Thanksgiving has passed (I repeat: AFTER), it is all about Christmas, or whatever holiday you celebrate! November is a traditionally challenging month for my family, most of our late family members passed away in a November (including my grandmother, who passed on Thanksgiving 10 years ago this year). If no one is dying, someone is in the hospital. My mother and my Uncle Tommy were both admitted to the hospital this month and are there as I type. My Uncle's condition is very serious and we are grateful for each day we have with him. My mom has been trying to get over a bout of pneumonia she contracted during a surgery on her foot.  If no one's in the hospital, some other Little-House-on-the-Prairie'esque tragedy is bound to be bouncing around the family, and it's not unusual for a few of these circumstances to pile up on top of each other.

So, perhaps the reason Christmas is so special to me is because most of the years of my life that I can remember, Christmas has followed a very tough time in our family and somehow instead of making me bitter and pitting me against the holiday, it has always been able to warm and heal my heart when it seemed like my heart was broken beyond repair. Somewhere between the soft glow of the tree lights, the chilly air, the feeling of closeness that exists between random strangers and the wandering all over creation to find the perfect gift for that special someone, my heart becomes filled to the absolute brim with joy, peace, and the comfort of true gratitude.

I've been feeling overwhelmed with some of life's challenges lately, and got to a point where I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. So tonight I decided to really clean my bedroom and sitting room and decorate for Christmas. I got done a little while ago, and now I am sipping some hot chocolate, listening to the Christmas station on Pandora radio, and enjoying the warm light of my mini Christmas tree while the traffic hums by outside. It's a wonderful, calming feeling that I've been desperately longing for. I'm so glad that I've finally found it. It might not last forever, but right now it's here and I am enjoying every minute of it.

I hope that you can also find peace and joy this holiday season. Try to look beyond the cheesy commercials, the scrooges, the stress of the finances and the gift giving, and search for the true reason for celebrating, whatever that means to you. It doesn't matter if you are a Christian, Jewish, an athiest or agnostic. If you are searching for peace this holiday season, you deserve to find it. No matter what, where or how you celebrate, celebrate it with your heart and soul and look for the good in every single day - I promise you, it is there.

My little tree

Monday, November 7, 2011

One of those crazy liberal rantings

Not really, actually, but if you disagree with me politically I thought you deserved a warning before you read this post, though I do hope you'll still read it.

This is about gay marriage/rights (because yes, there are rights other than marriage that are unequal). I said when I first started this blog that you should expect a post every now and then about this subject. I haven't done it yet, but now I feel like I have to. Whenever I feel like maybe society is actually starting to accept that we are people just like everyone else, something happens that reminds me that no, society does not believe that yet. Yet.

Here is one of my favorite questions that I get from people who oppose homosexuality, and even those who just don't understand it: "Why do you have to make it public? I don't want to know about that!" Okay. Here's a newsflash: I don't want you to know about it either. I would be ecstatic to go about my life being just like everyone else and never having to mention it except with my future wife. That is the dream. But I'll be damned if I'm going to see rights being stripped away and be treated as a second class citizen and not say something about it. If those who oppose it would mind their own business you wouldn't have to know a thing! So, here we are.

Me at a counter-protest for the Westboro Baptist Church last year
So until everyone else can mind their own business and let us live our lives, you will be seeing it out there. I just had an idea, if it really bothers you that much just stop with the inferior treatment, we'll go about our private business and it'll be a win-win for everyone!! Right.

Here is something I saw on facebook this morning:

Find the gay person: 


유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유
 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 
유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 
유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유 유
 유 유 유 유 유 유


Can't do it? That's because they're people too and we're all the same.

Now I'm not going to pretend I don't buy into the stereotypes sometimes. I was looking for one of those little "men" to have his hand on his hip or or a pocketbook on his arm. So even I was able to learn something from that.

Let me make this clear: I'm not asking you to support homosexuality. Would I like you to? Of course I would. I would give anything to be able to open your eyes so you can see that I really am no different than you. I want the exact same things in this life as you do: beautiful, healthy children, a successful career and a loving partner. But I can't make you see how that is the same as you, so instead I will just ask you that even if you don't support it, just don't stop it. Why would you deny me of that core happiness? Most of you reading this blog have known me my entire life. I am a good person. You know that I am a good person. You think that I don't deserve the same things as you because of whom I love. How is that fair to me? How do you think it's okay to treat me - your friend - in that way?

I'm very grateful for having been blessed with supportive family and friends. But there are many, many people I have known my whole entire life - even longer than I've known most of my dearest friends - and I know how you feel about it. and I'm not asking you to change your opinion, I would never do that. I'm just asking you to let me have my own and to not think that your opinion is so much greater than mine that it is okay to use it to take away MY rights -yes, mine. If gay rights are allowed, you do not lose anything. If they are denied, I lose more than you can understand. How is that equal? How is that fair? Separate but Equal is NOT Equal. That is like telling Rosa Parks she shouldn't have refused to move to the back of the bus, because hey, at least she was still on the bus! No, it doesn't work like that. You are no different from me, we are the same. We deserve to be treated the same way, and we deserve equal opportunity.

Under our own Constitution of the United States of America, every person is entitled to "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness." My pursuit of happiness, my liberty, as a law-abiding, tax-paying citizen, is to marry the person that I fall in love with. And you have no right to take that away from me whether you agree with it or not. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Day 1 of the Hostage Situation

Today was the first day that I made myself stay in bed as much as possible and not do anything. B-O-R-I-N-G.

I feel totally useless. Especially because my dad has this nasty cold and is hacking up a storm and my mom is having some major issues with her foot and is bed-bound for a few months. I'm really feeling like there are things I should be doing. However, I'm gonna have to just suck it up and let myself lay around ...Right.

The one exception to this is every hour I have to get up and walk for 5-10 minutes. Usually I just do laps through all the rooms upstairs. My cat sits on the couch and mocks me while I do it. When she's not doing that she sits next to my bed and gives me death glares for not doing everything she wants me to do. I wish I was joking. Here is what I had staring at me for at least 15 minutes straight today:

You can't really see her squinty, unsympathetic eyes but I assure you they are there.
I probably won't be blogging very much in the next little while because things are even more boring than they were before! I am definitely feeling some pain today. I hate taking medicine so I'm trying to avoid the percocet unless the pain is really unbearable. Today I've been okay without it. 

As a final note for today, I got such BEAUTIFUL flowers from my best friend Jess and also from her parents. Thank you so much guys...I love you. <3

Yes, those flowers are shaped like a dog. does my best friend know me or what!?


Saturday, November 5, 2011

The Honeymoon Period

I forget which doctor at the Laser Spine Institute referred to the first few days following the surgery as 'The Honeymoon Period' but whoever it was, they were most certainly correct. These have been an amazing few days. It's been my first time without terrible pain in months, and my first time feeling really free and comfortable in over a year. This has brought me a wonderful weekend! I went to dinner with some friends, got my nails done, saw Sweeney Todd at playhouse 22 (http://www.playhouse22.org/) and even drove my car around a bit, which is something I've really missed!

This is how I've been feeling this weekend!!

However, I can tell that the Honeymoon period has now passed, and we are into the full on recovery period. I was warned this would come as it happens to everyone and that it's going to last a few days to a week. It's the body's defense mechanism against the change of having such a big chunk of disc removed. The body is basically trying to 'repair itself' and fill up the spot where the disc was with fluid, which compresses the nerve the same way it was compressed before. Once the fluid dissipates, the pain will be gone. In the mean time, I am reminded why I needed this surgery done in the first place! It's funny how quickly I forgot how much pain I was in as soon as I stood up after surgery and was able to walk and stand without a problem ...I remember now!!

My bank account, which has drained very quickly over my last few days of freedom, appreciates the fact that I'm now doing as little as possible! Movies, computer, TV and music is where it's at for me until this stage is done!!!

this is my dad being my slave and waiting on me!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

So, about the surgery!

(Disclaimer before you read: I'm so sorry that the font changes color half way through this post. I have a custom color set, and while I was typing I messed it up and accidentally changed the color. I can't figure out how to set it back to the regular one, so I found the closest I could get on the "standard" color list they offer me. I'll fix it!!!)

I made a post this morning explaining that my surgery was rescheduled for today as opposed to tomorrow. I have yet to read over it again, but to be honest I was completely hopped up on pain medicine and some anesthesia that had yet to wear off. I'm going to assume it was coherent enough to understand where we're at now!

Before I start actually telling you about this whole process, I have to take a moment to complain about the stupidity of technology. I had a picture of myself that captured the pure sex appeal of that hospital gown and hair net thing. and my dumb phone didn't save the picture! WUT.

So, I believe I left off around us making the 75 mile trip home and the 75 mile trip back to Philadelphia after making the choice to spend in the night in the hotel instead of driving back at 3 in the morning!

When I woke up for the surgery this morning, I was in excruciating pain. I think my back was trying to rebel and have its one last "moment" before it got fixed! I got to LSI (Laser Spine Institute) at 6:30 in the morning, which was exactly when I was scheduled to arrive.


I was exhausted! Luckily, I got to go back to sleep for a few hours while they went to work on me. ;)

I walked into the surgicenter (I think that's what they call it!) and I was so impressed with how quickly they took care of me. I signed in and didn't even have a chance to sit down before they whisked me away to the back room to prepare. As soon as I got back I was greeted with a hug and some positive words from Kathy, one of the anesthesiologists I mentioned previously. Everyone working at this place is incredibly understanding and so, so nice. I've never been around so many warm, caring people in my life. I kept waiting for the freaky axe murderer to show up...never happened! :)

[Insert picture of me in hospital gear here!]
The gown and cap actually reminded me of my Beauty School Drop Out costume from my "Grease" days earlier this year:


Those were the days... O.o

After I got all suited up, they put me up in a bed and brought my Aunt Joan back to be with me. SIDE NOTE: The couple next to my little cube of space were from MILLTOWN!!! I mentioned to my nurse that I was from the "East Brunswick area" of New Jersey (because let's face it, no one knows where Spotswood is) and she told me that the man next to me was from New Brunswick. Then my aunt came back and said they were from Milltown (said New Brunswick because, again, no one knows what Milltown is). Talk about a small world, right?!

They asked me 2345678976545678 questions (rough estimate) and had me sign probably 10-15 consent forms, then the fun began! They took all my vitals and brought back the woman to start the IV. ...cue the panic. again, the medical assitants and nurses were phenomenal and held my hand, etc., through the whole thing. I was so grateful for them. LSI uses a beautiful numbing medication (applied through a tiny shot in the hand/wrist/wherever they find a vein) and I literally felt nothing with the IV. that didn't stop me from freaking out, but at least I couldn't feel it! Now I've got myself all freaked out and gross feeling because I'm thinking about the IV again. Time to change the topic!

My favorite part was the "anti-nervous" medicine they gave me. As Kathy said, "it'll make you a new woman in about 30 seconds." They gave me a bit more whenever it would start to wear off and I was really comfortable the whole time! My surgeon came over and spoke with me a bit to make sure I was feeling okay with the whole thing, and they carted me off to the back room.

In the operating room, they had me lay on my stomach on the table. The table had some pretty uncomfortable blocks that you have to position your hips on, but there is so much going on and you go out so fast it's not a huge issue. In addition to that, they stuff about 6 pillows under your chin to make sure you're comfortable up there. For me, this caused A LOT of pain in my teeth when I woke up, most likely because I was clenching my jaw the whole time. I have no memories of when I first woke up, but Kathy told me that I kept telling her me teeth were falling out. I'm happy to announce that they did not!

Can you tell that Kathy and I are now BFFLs, btw? She is seriously da bomb.

Next thing I remember is when I started to wake up. Word of caution: don't try to force yourself to wake up. I was doing that and it was making me really frustrated and light headed. It's best to just let yourself wake up naturally. As soon as I was conscious (enough) they fed me some chipped ice and gave me some peanut butter crackers <3 and apple juice <333.

Allegedly (according Kathy, of course!) I woke up telling her that there were horses next to my bed. The horses were, in fact, wheel chairs.

       =    

The resemblence is uncanny.

Once I was awake-awake they took my vitals again, unhooked me from the machines and sent me off to the bathroom to put my clothes back on.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. I have not been able to walk, stand, or move without pain for a little over 3 months. Even having just had surgery on my SPINE, I felt amazing when I stood up. I couldn't get over the complete lack of pain. I'm a little sore now that the localized anesthesia has worn off, but still - I can stand. I even went for a 10 minute walk around the hotel (required by the post-op care).

according to, well, every single person I talked to, the surgery was hugely successful because "he got a good chunk of disc!" The disc compressing my nerve so badly was the biggest issue. The surgeon's goal was to remove as much of the disc as he could, but there was a chance that it was already connected to the nerve and he wouldn't be able to remove any - a factor he wouldn't know until he opened me up and went in there. As it turns out, he was indeed able to remove a good amount of disc, and they showed me the pictures to prove it (GROSS, btw). He got a bit over 4 centimeters out! Huh...I guess there was a reason for the excruiating, unbearable, horrific, praying-for-death pain I've been experiencing for the last few months. Go figure!

After I met with the surgeon, I was free to go. They took out the IV which wasn't painful at all. What WAS painful were the patches of hair on my arm the tape took off. I now appear to be arm-balding. They fed me a bagle, slapped on a backbrace I'm confined to for 2 weeks and wheeled me out to our car and off I went to the hotel. (the back brace is highly recommended, btw. It gives me a lovely hourglass figure. ;)).

After arriving at the hotel I proceeded to sleep for hoursandhoursandhours. Then I got up and went to dinner downstairs with my aunt, and now I'm going to go back to sleep again! I'm very exhausted, it's been an insane two days. But just today I can already tell how much my life has changed from this surgery. My Aunt Joan, who saw first-hand how terrible my back was when she came to Chicago for parents' weekend a few weeks ago, keeps saying, "this is just crazy. I can't believe this." It's a beautiful thing!! Hopefully it keeps getting better from here. :)

Thank you for reading! Tomorrow is my "day of rest" where I will mostly just be laying in bed aside from a 5-10 minute walk every hour or so. This should be good!

What did I tell ya?

Happenings in my life often tend to come out of left field! This back surgery, of course, left no exceptions. The catch is that this time it was good stuff.



As mentioned, yesterday (Tuesday) was supposed to be my day of pre-op evaluation. The plan was for me to meet with the medical assistants about any tests that needed to be done, get my results checked out and then be free to go until Wednesday. On Wednesday, I would have met with the surgeon and anesthesiologists. However, about 10 minutes after I got back into the evaluation room, a sweet lady stuck her head the door and asked if I'd like to move my surgery to Wednesday, they had had an opening!!

After the initial shock, I exchanged glances with my aunt, we both said "Yes!" and then she left the room. I had about 2 seconds to process it in my mind when the anesthesiologists came in to meet with me. From that point on, it was a bit of a revolving door, as they now had to fit 2 days worth of meetings into a couple hours. I was so absolutely thrilled with every person I talked to there. They couldn't have been nicer and put me at ease. and if someone can put ME at ease when it comes to something like surgery and needles, you know they gotta be good at what they do!!

So they drew some blood as when I had the initial blood work done, one of the tests wasn't made. I wasn't thrilled about that, but the medical assitant was extremely accomodating and understanding and there were no problems.

Probably my favorite people were the anesthesiologists. I don't remember both of their names, but the woman was Kathy and I believe the guy was Mark. They were like a comedy team and SO nice. I wanted to put them in my pocket and take them home with me! I was concerned because the Laser Spine Institute doesn't use general anesthesia, they use sedation and localized anesthesia. In the patient book they mailed me, it described it as a "twilight" sleep which I was very unhappy about it. However, that information was outdated, and as Kathy said, "there was no 'light' in twilight!" I remember nothing!

After being sent down the road to have x-rays, for which a driver was provided, I met with the surgeon and the process of the surgery was explained to me again. Then we said our goodbyes, and the two other people scheduled for surgeries today and I discussed who would be getting the 6:00 AM spot. I lucked out and got 6:30, so one was before me and one was after me. It wasn't so bad!


our hotel!

I will make another blog post later on about the actual surgery and what happened today. For now I'm gonna go konk out for a little bit longer. Staying awake is impossible!! :) Thanking God that everything went well and I am feeling better than I have in a long, long, LONG time!!!

Monday, October 31, 2011

We have some catching up to do...

I completely and totally fell off the bandwagon with this whole blog thing.

The other day my mom was sitting on the computer and I was sitting on the couch moaning about my life and she said, "You know what I don't like? When someone starts a blog and then totally abandons it." Point taken. Thank you, Mother.

Now, if you haven't been following my life story, first of all, why haven't you been? I'm only the most fascinating person in the world. Right! But if you haven't, you might be wondering what I'm talking about how my mom and I were having a conversation face to face. Because I'm in Chicago and she's in Spotswood, right? RIGHT?? Wrong. :(

I believe my last blog was about the terrible back problems I've been having. and how my mom found a spine surgery place that might be able to do the surgery and what would I do, etc. well turns out YES, they can do the surgery. YES, they believe they can totally fix my back up. YES, I have to have it done ASAP. Unfortunately that meant I had to leave my precious Chicago behind for this semester and get myself all taken care of before hopefully going back in the spring. Yes, I said hopefully. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.


(I took this. It's a bridge. ;)).

In the meantime, my surgery is scheduled for this Thursday, November 3, 2011. (side note: November 3 is a traditionally sucky day for me, so I'm not surprised that this is the date my surgery was scheduled for). It's happening at the Laser Spine Institute in Philadelphia. I am going to be using my Blog to keep track of my recovery, etc. I decided to do this because I am absolutely bugging out about this surgery. It seems that at this place everyone either has a brilliant experience and their lives are better than ever or they have a miserable experience and are back at square one. "Why would you risk that?" you might ask. Well, let me explain that to you.

The odds are very much in my favor. This is a very straight forward laser surgery that they're doing on my back. The objective is clear, what needs to be done is clear, etc. I am very young, one of their youngest patients, and I have only had back problems for about a year. Because of this, my ability to heal is much greater than that of the 90 year old who has been dealing with her back problems for 56 years. The surgery itself is very common. I have Spinal Stenosis, which is THEE surgery that they do at this place. They do other surgeries too, but this is their money maker, so to speak. So when you wrap all of this up, odds are that I will benefit greatly from this surgery.

On the off chance that it's not successful, here is how I'm justifying it to myself: They can't screw up. They can't make my back any worse than it already is. If it doesn't work, at least I'll know that I tried with the most minimally invasive option that was presented to me, and if it's not successful then I can go on to the next one. I see no reason to begin with drastic measures such as open back surgery when a thing like this is out there for this specific back problem.

So I'll be keeping track of this experience either to ease the minds of people who are nervous about having surgery done at LSI, or to tell people stay the HELL away from LSI. We'll see what the conclusion is as we go through this!!

Right now, I'm staying over my aunt's house. Tomorrow I head into Philadelphia for my pre-op evaluation. I have no idea what to expect, so we'll see what happens. I'm just praying to GOD (literally. I'm serious. Praying), that they won't have to tell me that I am for some reason ineligable for the surgery. I definitely shouldn't be. They've already reviewed the MRI, all blood work came back normal and I have no health problems. But I've been known to have balls come out of left field in my life so I'm putting it out there that that is a possibility. We'll see what happens!!!

I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared to death, but my life has been so drastically affected by this that it is well worth the risk and the fear. I'm just praying that it'll be worth it.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Some people should not reproduce

and the results of the MRI I had done on my back say that my parents are two of them.

I'm kidding, obviously, because if they hadn't reproduced then the world wouldn't have me, and that would be tragic. but my genetics do leave a lot to be desired. The latest manifestation of their awesomeness is in my spine. I briefly mentioned that I've been having some back problems. I didn't go into detail because, really, everyone in this world has their own problems and who wants to read about mine? Then I realized two things: 1. this is a blog about my life. obviously if you're reading it you have to be remotely interested in what's going on (God bless you!). and 2. Have you ever heard of schadenfreude? It is a beautiful German word (there's an oxymoron! (I'm kidding. I love German. Hi Frau Altmiller!!)) that literally means "Pleasure or happiness at the misfortune of others." There is probably some aspect of your life that sucks. That's not a diss on your life, that's just a fact of it - everyone's life sucks a little bit. Maybe reading about my problems will help you forget about your own for a little bit, or something like that. Really I'm just trying to justify to myself why I'm talking about myself constantly. That's the problem with blogs, they cater to people like me who sometimes really like to talk about their own life. I'm sorry!

So back to the back pain (do you see what I did there?), for about a year, every couple months I would have a week or two of extreme discomfort (but not necessarily pain) in my lower back. About 2 months ago it started again, but this time it was crippling, and it didn't get better - it just got worse. So I sucked it up and decided to consult a chiropractor about 4 weeks ago, which I really recommend. I've been seeing a chiropractor since I was 2 months old. They are heaven sent! My chiropractor has been doing some physical and manual therapy combined with electric stim on my back, and there was no improvement at all and my back was just getting worse, in addition to the fact that there was now pain shooting down both of my legs and I couldn't move without feeling like I was being stabbed.

SO doc sent me for an MRI. That was enough of an experience itself. I'm not a claustrophobic person, but I think everyone becomes claustrophobic when it comes to MRIs. The woman on the phone asked me if I was claustrophobic and I decided to say yes to see what happened. Nothing happened. The only thing that got me was now these people knew that I was going to be freaking out while I was stuffed in this tube for half an hour with jackhammers banging all around me. Have you ever noticed how people who give MRIs are always like really sweet and nice, etc.? It's because they can get their evil, sadistic ways out of their systems by knowing how much they're really torturing you.

This is the result of said MRI:


Two things with this. First, I'm not a doctor, I don't even play one on TV. but even I can tell that there is something going on there in those shady spots, especially that one shady spot where it's really sticking out on the side. Someone who actually is a doctor, and maybe they even play one on TV, looked at this and got the following information:

My genes suck.

More specifically, I was born with a wonderful little thing called "Congenital Canal Stenosis" of the lumbar spine. Meaning, basically, that the spinal cord narrows as it goes down to the bottom. This is resulting in nerve damage, bulging discs, compression of all kinds of things and a bunch of other problems that I don't even understand. There was a lot of head nodding and smiling as all of this was explained to me. But what it comes down to is that I was born with this 'issue' and I was told that there's no way to treat/cure it, but rather 'manage' it. The doctor informed me that through continuing the therapy and consulting a neurologist they should be able to get me out of pain and try to make sure that the pain does not come back, at least to this magnitude.

I was all down on myself thinking that I was going to be crippled for life. I don't think there's  much room in the musical theatre industry for people with major back problems. But then I got a phone call from my mom! She found a spine center (place thing...) and they do a non-invasive laser surgery to repair stenosis of the spine! HEY, that's what I have!!! I faxed a copy of my MRI results over to them, and in the next few days they will be contacting me to let me know if the surgery would help my problem and if I'm eligable for it. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but it sure would be nice.

Then comes the decision of how and where to get this surgery done...

Friday, September 30, 2011

When childhood memories stop you in your tracks

When I was a kid (way back in the day ;)) one of my favorite movies of all time was  "The Fox and the Hound." To be honest, I don't remember anything about it except that the part where the old woman took the fox away made me cry and that after watching it every day for about 6 months the VHS got really snowy and eventually had to be thrown out.






I was just browsing through the headlines on Yahoo's homepage, and I had to stop myself for a second when I saw this picture.





I haven't even thought about that movie in who knows how long, but for some reason, upon seeing this photo the 5 year old inside my brain jumped up and went "The Fox and the Hound!!!!!" then I read the story and Yahoo killed my dreams.

It was one of those wonderful moments where you kind of get to spend a second being a kid again, assuming the best about every situation. Then logic kicks in and you realize that instead of being best friends, the dog was trying to hunt this fox and its babies, and the amazing thing about the picture is that the fox fought back. 

Excuse me while I try find "The Fox and the Hound" online so I can relive my childhood without the interruption of reality. :)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I just need to whine for a minute

In my 'inspiration of the week' on Tuesday, I spent most of the time rambling about how we need to remember how when everything seems to be going wrong, eventually it's going to better. My optimistic perspective on life is pissing me off right now.

I'm having one of 'those' days today. I've been having really severe back pain for about 2 months now (I see a chiropractor 3 times a week) that is bothering me a lot today, I'm stressed out about everything, I got sad news, I'm homesick, and I've picked up some kind of regular sick too.

If I were at home, I could deal with it by lashing out at family members and close friends.



But that's not totally acceptable in a college dorm, so I've locked myself and my bad mood in my bedroom for the time being. It's best for everyone this way.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

So, about that job...

I need a job.

Now there's a topic that approximately 9.1% of Americans can agree on! That percentage doesn't even include people like me who are still lucky enough to be part of the, "I want a job because I want money, but I'm not going to get a job because I'd rather go to parties than work," age range. However, my bank account is slowly draining and I really don't like asking my parents for money.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

But seeing as I don't really have any parties to go to, I think that a job is a nice second option. You are probably thinking, "You're in college. What do you mean there are no parties!?" See, I go to an arts school. Now I know what you're really thinking, "An arts school! Full of artists! Everyone there must have weed! Of course there are parties!" Well, I'm not saying that statement is incorrect, I'm just saying that those aren't exactly the kind of parties I'm looking for. So a job it is.

I got my first job when I was 15 and it scarred me for life. I worked at Wendy's. You know the idiot on the drive through who asks you to repeat your order about five times and then gets it wrong anyway? That would be moi.


Home sweet home. Not.
(side note: it's kind of astounding how many mug shots came up when I google'd "Wendy's Drive through employee" ... some things I'd rather not know)

I worked there for about a year and a half. Whenever I'd finally figure out how to do whatever it was I was assigned to do, they'd move me to something else. I think I'm technically still on their payroll. My time there unofficially ended after some words were exchanged between my manager and I. ...Enough about that.

After Wendy's, I got a job as a babysitter. 3 days a week (give or take, depending on the week), 2 boys and a cute little dog. I worked for them for two years and left when I came out to Chicago for school. That was probably the best job I could have ever had as a 17(ish) year old and I love those kids to death. However, I doubt that I'd enjoy babysitting long-term for any other family, because this family spoiled me and their kids (and the kids in their neighborhood) are the only youngsters I really like, anyway. With the exception of a few, kids in general kind of scare me...mostly because they're cute to look at for a bit but after about 5 minutes I'm left wondering what to do with them.



So I went from one extreme of despising my job and cursing all the minutes I spent there to the other extreme of loving my job and never wanting to leave. So that puts me in a difficult position of knowing that the chances of me getting another job that I love that much right now are slim to none, and more than likely I'll end up with a job that I'm kind of miserable in, but at least I'm making money.

 I'm hoping/planning to get my own apartment next year instead of throwing my future money away on student housing. Apparantly money is needed if you have your own apartment.


Debatable
 We'll see how this goes...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Welcome back! :)

This is another less-exciting post! My two first ones...ack! Bear with me on this one and I'll try to post something way more fun for my next one!

My acting professor has asked us to make a 'journal' entry each week about something that inspires us. I don't know if he'll accept my blog as my journal entry, but even if he doesn't I think that you can't go wrong reminding yourself of the inspiration that surrounds you! And since Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week, I think it's a good day to give myself a little boost and find something that inspires me.

If you read my bio (or know me at all) you probably know that I am a lover of country music. I joke that all I need in life is a pair of headphones and my Sugarland station on Pandora! I was never overly exposed to country, so I'm not sure where my love for it stemmed from (though my close friend, Emily (lead singer in the country band Ramblin' On - http://www.facebook.com/groups/153695214672284/ check 'em out!) will often try to take credit for my obsession/love/admiration, etc., of the country music world.) 



The Ramblin' On band

I think I love it so much because country music mostly focuses on the story that the lyrics tell and I am a very lyrical person. As a singer, the first thing I look for in a song is strong lyrics that I feel a connection to. In my opinion, country music delivers this. SO, don't be surprised if my "Inspiration of the Week" is often a country song or part of a country song.

With all of that said (I don't know why I ramble so much when I get on here... "I just have a lot of feelings!" -Mean Girls <3), my choice for my Inspiration of the Week this week would have to be the beautiful song "Little Miss" by Sugarland. While the whole song is absolutely beautiful, I want to hone in on one line that really strikes me each time I hear it.

First, do yourself a favor and listen to the song ^

Now, for my favorite bit:

"Yeah, sometimes you gotta lose til you win. It's alright, it's alright, it's alright. It'll be alright again."

I literally cannot express my love for these few lines without sounding like a 12 year old girl gushing about her gorgeous teacher (...or maybe that was me like 3 months ago. Whatever.).

I don't think there is a single person in this world who doesn't relate to these words on a very, very personal level. It's beautiful because it can be applied to everything we do in our lives. From the most minor things - running late to class AGAIN because you caught a red light (sometimes you gotta lose til you win) to overcoming a major personal obstacle such as depression, rejection, loss of a job, etc.

I mentioned before that I'm a musical theatre major. I want to be an actor. For a living. Like, to make money. Every day I wake up and say to myself "Are you out of your mind?" The answer is yes. I can't even begin to wrap my head around the kind of rejection I'm going to be facing and the struggles that I'm gonna have to go through just to make a career. I'm not letting that deter me because I LOVE it and I wouldn't be happy doing anything else. I'm hoping that this song, specifically these lyrics, will be able to bring me comfort during the times where I want to throw in the towel.

I feel like through the struggles I've had to deal with in my past, to the less severe things I'm facing now, and straight through to whatever life is going to throw at me, I can come back to the reminder that whatever I'm facing is a temporary problem and eventually it's going to improve, even when it seems like it won't. We've all had those long nights where we wonder if the hurt is going to stop, if our problems are ever going to get better...just remember that "sometimes you gotta lose til you win," and no matter what, "it'll be alright again."

Monday, September 26, 2011

The obligatory introduction post!

Hello there! I'm calling this the 'obligatory introduction post.' It's not really obligatory at all. But I figure if you're going to be spending your valuable time reading my ramblings, you should know a little bit about the gal these thoughts are coming from!


My name is Megan. I'm an 18 year old college freshman. I was born and raised in New Jersey! I know what you're thinking....





No, not that New Jersey. More like this New Jersey:





That is actually my town. Good old Spotswood, NJ. About 2 sq miles, 10,000 people. 2 lakes, 4 or 5 traffic lights, a couple schools and enough churches to house the entire population of New Jersey (well, almost). Spotswood's claim to fame is that President George Washington spent some time there with his troops after the Battle of Monmouth. Spotswood and the rest of central New Jersey, that is! It's a nice little town, though much easier to love from 800 miles away! ;)


I am very into political discussions and I happen to be a very opinionated person! With most political topics, I'm up for pretty much anyone's opinion and I usually find that I agree with several points from both sides! There is one itty bitty topic that I am very vocally supportive of and that would be...









Dun dun dun! Yes, I am one of "those." Can't help it, I was born that way (cue the Lady Gaga). I am all for everyone's right to have an opinion...I am especially for my right to think that someone else's opinion is wrong. ;) I'm not usually this forward with my political opinions (I hope?) but seeing as this is a blog, I'll probably be spending some time ranting about several things, and more than likely a few of those will include this very issue. 


Moving on! 
I have a glorious family. My mom & dad have been married for 23 years. My dad is the hardest working man I have ever known and my mom is the strongest woman I have ever known. I certainly have great role models in them. I also have an older brother, Kevin, who is in the United States Army! Woohoo! Here is a picture of Kevin and me (because we are so precious!):






sniff sniff...I am a proud sister!


I am also a lover of animals! I have a cat named Olivia and a dog named Tucker. Tucker is really my mom's dog, but I pretend he's mine. 


  



Why yes, they are adorable. Thank you for noticing!


My life journey has brought me to the beautiful city of Chicago, where I currently live for school.





^that's the view from my dorm's window. I'll take it!


I am a musical theatre major at Columbia College Chicago! That is basically the whole premise of this blog. I stole the title - 'Living on Dreams and Spaghettios' - from the song "This One's for the Girls" by the fabulous country artist, Martina McBride.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaJijY0ZF0I
^ Please listen to it and absorb the sheer awesomeness.


This blog will basically be outlining my frustrations and joys of trying to get through the day-to-day of school and trying to figure out my way through this insane industry, as well as some other goings-on that may be happening in life!


Now that all of that nonsense is done, I think we can wrap up this introduction! I promise my future contributions to the blogosphere will be (hopefully) way more exciting, I just wanted to get all this factual business out of the way! From now on I will be mildly amusing, generally sarcastic, and my goal is to talk about things that you'll find interesting and relatable! I really am brand new to this...so we'll see how it goes!! Thanks for reading! :)